gratitude on day 342

This morning, I arrived at the airport without my wallet for the second time in the last 12 months. Both times, I've called Matt in a panic and, both times, he's come and rescued me. As he pulled up, he smiled at me and handed me my wallet. No mention of the fact that I majorly threw off his morning. No mention of the last time I did this. Nothing but a smile, a "here you go baby," and a "it's going to be ok" as I ran back into the airport. 

We've been married for almost a year now. And each and every of those 342 days, Matt has treated me with a kindness and grace that blows my mind. He makes me laugh when I don't want to. He cooks dinner when I'm running late. He forgives me when I am selfish. He washes dishes always. He pushes himself everyday to make sure our future is as secure as it can be. He sings me songs while I put on my makeup and redo my hair for the 14th time. 

How can I begin to thank him? How can I begin to repay the debt I've accrued?  Even though I try, there's nothing I can do or say that will adequately translate the gratitude in my heart. The selflessness he displays daily causes something to well up within me. I am unworthy of this unconditional love. I am unworthy of his kindness and devotion. 

But he loves me nonetheless.

When I think about Matt rescuing me from my own stupidity at 6:54 this morning with a smile on his face, I see Jesus shining through. For every bit of love in Matt's heart, there is an infinite amount more on God's heart for me. Love that lead to death on a cross. Love that remains, despite my continual shortcomings, my messes, my bad moods and the accompanying chains of cuss words. Love that is patient, kind and keeps no records of wrongs. Love that overwhelms. Love that I can do nothing to diminish. 

Matt Phillips, I'm so thankful for you. Thank you for pointing me to Jesus and being such a reminder of his love. I admire and respect the heck out of you. How can I begin to thank you? An edible arrangement? An Apple watch? Chicken tenders for supper for the next 70 years? Chaining my wallet to my body? 

Even if I did one of those things or all of them, I wouldn't even come close to conveying the graditude in my heart. I'm so blessed to have a lifetime to limp alongside you, thanking and loving, loving and thanking.